Monday, July 23, 2012

'The Bachelorette' Final Episode: An 'Amazing', 'Perfect' Fairytale Ending? - Huffington Post

HuffPost staff writer Natasha Burton and her boyfriend, Greg St. Clair, live together, which means that Monday nights he can either resign himself to the office, or watch "The Bachelorette" with her. He chose the option that wins him more brownie points (watching "The Bachelorette," of course).

Each week, they've shared their respective thoughts on the latest episode. Here's their final recap, below.

Well, folks, we can't believe we made it to the end. (And we can't believe that Jef did, too.) If you've been following our recaps, you'll know that we weren't too keen on either of Emily's final two suitors -- Jef the teenager and Arie the slobberer -- but it seems that, in the end, Emily made the right choice for herself and Little Ricki.

In case you missed it, or if three hours of "The Bachelorette" just weren't enough, we're taking you through what went down last night, along with our take on why the best man won Emily's heart in the end.

Meeting Emily's Family: Jef and Arie Both Get Mom, Dad and Ernie's Approval
Greg: Her brother ‪Ernie looked like he enjoys punching people. ‬
Natasha: He should have punched Jef for showing up to meet Emily's family wearing an ill-fitting white t-shirt and jeans. You are not James Dean, sir. (Though Arie's long-sleeve henley wasn't much better. Put on a g-d collared shirt for chrissakes.)
Greg: ‪When asking Emily's dad's approval, Jef said that he was an "old fashioned type of guy." Clearly. That's why her went on a reality TV show to compete with 25 other dudes for a woman who can barely smile due to her Botox addiction... just like they did in the good old days.‬
Natasha: I think it was around the time he talked to her dad, though, that -- despite the fact that his hair looked like a mangy toupee -- I realized I may have started rooting for Jef.
Greg: ‪You take that back!‬
Natasha: ‪I'm still on Team Sean.‬ But Jef just seemed so earnest and genuine.
Greg: Let's agree to disagree. Anyway, ‪Arie started off his time with the 'rents tanking worse than Adam Scott (British Open reference -- boom!)‬. But then he totally redeemed himself by giving Emily's family ‪a box with some dead flowers in it. ‬
Natasha: They were all the roses she had given him, which ended up being symbolic, in the end, I suppose.
Greg: After some more awkward slo-mo kissing/neck caressing/whispering of sweet nothings, Arie left and Emily asked her parents to choose a husband for her.
Natasha: Her dad said he didn't think she could really love two people at once. Her mother's advice? Don't get engaged on national television. Again.

Jef's Final One-On-One: Emily Sees Dad Material
Greg: Even though Emily had no intention of introducing two strange men to her 6-year-old daughter, ‪Jef pseudo-guilted Emily into letting him meet Lil' Ricki‬.
Natasha: She invited Jef over to their villa in Curacao for a play-date at the pool and Ricki liked Jef so much she apparently wanted him to come back the next day. Jef said his‪ relationship with Ricki was as natural as his relationship with Emily‬ -- and, of course, just as perfect.
Greg: ‪Everything is always perfect for Jef: Emily's family, Emily, his relationship with Emily, Little Ricki‬.‪ He made me want to throw the remote through the TV‬.
Natasha: You were getting pretty worked up over there.
Greg: Maybe I'm a bad person, but overly-mushy people annoy me.
Natasha: Nah, you're just turning into a grumpy old man.

The Shocking Twist: Arie's Journey Skids To a Halt
Natasha: When it came time for the one-on-one with Arie, our boy Chris Harrison showed up at Emily's house for a heart-to-heart. Emily revealed that, despite all of Arie's‪ head-grasping and tongue-thrusting, she's picking Jef.‬
Greg: ‪Skateboards > Race cars‬. But, once again, Emily proved to be the most boring bachelorette in history by preemptively sparing Arie the shame of getting rejected while down on one knee.
Natasha: At least they were still forced to go to their designated date location: a botanical garden at which they are supposed to make love potions. Arie got there first and started happily whipping up a concoction, talking about how excited he was to be Little Ricki's future stepdad.
Greg:: Arie's delusions made me sad. And I would just like to point out that, during this part of the episode, ‪Natasha had my hand in a death-grip.‬
Natasha: The anticipation of potential man-tears was stressing me out.
Greg:: Sadly, there were none of those. ‪Emily cried and said that she thought it would be her and Arie from the get-go over and over again, which didn't help anything, while Arie wistfully stared off into the distance.‬
Natasha: Arie tried to squeeze some tears out in the limo but no dice.
Greg: Red flag?

The Proposal: Jef Takes A Knee‪ ‬
Natasha: The proposal was the most disappointing part of the episode because it was set up in some back alley instead of on the water. (Why go to Curacao when they could have just filmed in the Valley? Come on.) Anyway. With Arie out of the picture, and Sean a distant memory, I had to admit that, in the end, Jef did clean up well. He kind of has a Zac Efron quality about him.
Greg: His hair was only mildly ridiculous, I'll give him that. But for the proposal, he basically just reiterated how "amazing" and "perfect" he and Emily are for each other. As the saying goes, "the proof is in the pudding." And I would not eat his (sweet-talking) pudding.
Natasha: Gross. Well, Emily ate it right up (ha, ha) and, even though she said she didn't want to get engaged AGAIN -- that's three times, people, in case you've lost count -- she let him slide that gaudy Neil Lane sparkler on her finger.
Greg: ‪What if he has a micro-penis? She really should have thought about that. Though, he is 100 percent the opposite of Brad. So maybe they will work‬.
Natasha: I hope they do for Little Ricki's sake. At least the season ended with an EPIC montage of Jef and Emily's fairytale love story set to ‪"The Glory of Love" by Peter Cetera of Chicago‬. Yes, I sang along. Obviously.

Final Thoughts: Did Emily Choose Wisely?
Greg: On "After The Final Rose" (that's right, I watched three hours of "The Bachelorette" last night), we learned that Arie is pretty much a creeptastic stalker.
Natasha: After the show, he apparently flew to Charlotte, South Carolina to see Emily and "get closure," then thought better of it, then left his journal on her doorstep. ‪Emily didn't read the journal out of respect for Jef‬ and, in the second rejection of the night, she gave it back to Arie, still unopened in its envelope.
Greg: Apparently, Jef was forced to called Arie to explain that he and Emily are indeed happy. And tell him to get the F away from his woman.
Natasha: And that's what we call dodging a bullet, ladies. In the end, I think Emily chose well. Jef makes her "feel like a nerd" after all. Isn't that what we all want in a man?
Greg: Emily chose the nerdy guy who runs a non-profit over the cocky football beefcake (Ryan), the rich A-hole (Kalon) and the faux-hawk sporting race car driver. Hopefully her life with Jef ends up being as perfect as Jef says it will be.
Natasha: If not, there's always "Bachelor Pad." Speaking of which... you're going to watch with me tonight, right?
Greg: Dear God. It never ends.

Click through the slideshow below for a look back at the craziest quotes from the season and vote for the one that you think is the most ridiculous.

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